


How Can I be Cold, When my Heart is So Warm?

by bellringer53



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Grief/Mourning, Implied Relationships, Multi, Other, can be read as you like
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 18:03:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21679945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellringer53/pseuds/bellringer53
Summary: Time has passed since the Keyblade War and the loss of the one who lifted them all out of the dark. Now, as the darkest time of the year encroaches on them, two souls given a second chance at life struggle with staying happy when the one who brought so much joy is missing.
Relationships: Axel & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Hayner & Olette & Pence & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Hayner & Olette & Pence & Roxas (Kingdom Hearts), Isa & Lea & Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts), Isa & Lea (Kingdom Hearts) & Original Female Character(s), Roxas & Xion (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 8





	How Can I be Cold, When my Heart is So Warm?

**Author's Note:**

> This entire thing was inspired by listening to Manheim Steamroller at work and realizing the music was perfect for Twilight Town. Then I realized that it would not be the happiest winter for the Guardians and this came out after a chat on Discord. hope you enjoy. I suggest having their track Traditions of Christmas playing till the final chapter then turn on the song at the end :).

The snow crunched under his feet and gentle music filled the air as he wandered around Tram Common. Snow was gently falling down as the constant oranges of the sky were currently replaced by a light grey. Roxas had never really experienced winter or the cold himself. Sure he watched as <strike>Sora</strike> his Other explored Christmas Town and Arrendel but that was more like watching a movie. Here, in his own body (and that was still a shock to get used to) the cold dug its way into his bones and stayed, even with the new coats (a dark purple coat with black fur for Xion and a black one with silver fur for himself) Isa had bought them. Both him and Lea told them to go out and enjoy the weather. How were they supposed to enjoy this? He looked over to Xion who was standing next to him shivering.

  
“Come on, let's find someplace warmer.” He hooks his arm under hers and lead her towards the back alley that held the movie festival a few months ago. She just rested her head on his shoulder as he lead her forward.

  
As they came into the alley they noticed that the once empty space was filled with a giant pine tree, covered in decorations. Townsfolk meandered about, placing gifts or taking pictures in front of it. Everyone seemed to be having a great time. It just made the cold bite more to Roxas.

  
Xion squeezed his hand tighter. “How can everyone just be so happy right now?” Roxas tilted his head towards hers. “I don't know. It's too cold to be happy,” She just nodded. Truth be told, they haven't had much to be happy about for the past few months. The cold just took the few happy things away. Suddenly a voice called out, “Roxas, Xion!” Well, not all the happy things.

  
They looked up and saw Olette, clothed in a lovely velvet jacket with a soft beige fur lining, on a ladder hanging decorations on the tree.Hayner, in his own forest green coat and fur hat with flaps covering his ears, was at the ground keeping the ladder steady. Seeing the two she jumps down, startling her friend. “Holy-. Give me a heart attack why don't you!” She just laughs as she envelops her the two in a warm hug. Roxas takes a deep breath, taking in her scent of apple and cinnamon that has taken on a new layer of pine. He glances over and Xion has a slight blush on her face. He just chuckled under his breath.

  
After a few seconds she pulled away and gave them a huge smile. “I’m so glad you made it!” Xion just whines and pulls her closer once again. “Please no! You're so warm!” Olette just shakes her head and accept the embrace. Hayner, who had since joined them just crossed his arms in mock annoyance. “Yeah man. We were worried you guys were gonna lock yourselves up in that mansion all winter.”

  
Embarrassment fills his cheeks as Roxas huffs. “Not like there is anything to do in this cold.” He would much rather be back at home, training in the basement with Xion or playing a game in his room. Not out here where it’s cold, and wet, and everyone seemed to be happy when <strike>Sora</strike> he wasn't there.  
Hayner chuckles, “Nothing to do? There’s plenty of things to do!” He starts counting them off on his finger. “There’s caroling down Sunset Terrace, discount hot chocolate at the bistro, snowball fights,” “Decorating the town tree.” Olette throws out, resting her head on his shoulder. “Yeah! You can go sleigh riding in the woods or out in the fields. You can go skiing or snowboarding up on the mountain! Where have you guys been, under a rock?” He immediately flinches as he realized his mistake. An awkward silence filled the air as Xion just looks at her feet and Roxas refuses to look him in the eye. He doesn’t blame Hayner for forgetting sometimes. Between the memories of <strike>Sora</strike> him and the digital Twilight Town there are times even they forget that they have only lived a fraction of the time their friends have.

  
Sense the tension, Olette gently grabs their hands and starts to lead them out of the alley. “No problem! We can show you everything you need to know!” Hayner slinks his arms around each of their shoulders, warming both their cheeks. “Yeah! When we’re done you won’t want winter to end!” Olette lets out a holler in joy and as he looks over at Xion neither of them can help a small smile fill their faces.

  
As they make their way down the southeast side of the Common he glances at the few apartments that spatter the area. The soft oranges and browns of the town are now highlighted by bright reds and greens as strings of lights seem to fill every empty space they can. Bushes that line the buildings now have lights and small baubles. Every door and window seems to have a ring green adorning them for some reason. Olette, notices him staring, taps him on the shoulder. “Those are called wreaths. People decorate with them to symbolize eternity and everlasting life.” A bitter taste fills Roxas’ mouth and he just nods his head. “Yeah, you can make them out of pine, or holly, or evergreens. They can be fake but most opt for the real thing. Doesn’t smell right.”

  
Olette turns around and gives him a suspicious look. “What? I listen in class!” He defends as she just laughs at him. “I also know the lights are to ward away the dark because it's so cold!” A chuckle escaped Xion’s mouth. “We know that, brainiac.” A look of surprise fills his face. “Really?” Roxas huffs out in annoyance. “The Islands do the same thing. They just don't have wreaths or pine trees,” “Christmas trees.” Hayner buts in. Roxas sends a small glare his way and continues. “It also doesn’t get cold there either.” As he says this a slight breeze blows past them and both Xion and himself pull their coats tighter. The other two, noticing he wants the subject to change just laugh. “Yeah that part can suck.”  
As they come up to the corner where the hole to the mansion used to be they find the source of the singing. A group of people are standing atop pedestals and singing from books. Being closer he can finally make out the lyrics and it does very little to raise his mood.

  
_Christmas Eve will find me_  
_Where the love light gleams_  
_I'll be home for Christmas_  
_If only in my dreams_

  
The others must have noticed his drop in mood because they started to drag them down the street once again. “Come on,” Olette as she takes his hand and leads him towards the center of the plaza. Hayner had taken Xion’s and was doing the same “I know its not seasalt icecream but i think even you can agree it’s too cold for that.” Once again he can’t help but crack a small smile at their attempts to cheer them up. He doesn't know what they did to deserve such good friends and one glance at Xion tell him she can’t tell either.

  
Rounding the corner, Roxas notices as couple huddled together for warmth, a cup of steaming liquid filling each of their hands. The next moment his nose is filled with the scent of cinnamon and nutmeg. Coming upon the Bistro he discovers that it has undergone a transformation as well. The small patio tables have all been replaced with small fire pits lined with their own tables and 8-10 chairs each. They all seem to be taken by groups of people; each talking amongst themselves, eating food, drinking hot drinks, and sharing stories. The bitter taste returns and Roxas digs his face deeper into the neck of his coat.

  
Olette lets go of his hand and runs over to a waiter yelling behind her, “Wait here. I have just the thing for you guys!” She starts talking to the curly redheaded waiter dressed in a thick long sleeve dress shirt and apron. As she is doing this Roxas awkwardly rocks back and forth on his feet and looks over towards Xion. “So,” he starts, scratching at his cheek, not really knowing what to say but wanting to fill the silence. “Are you having fun?” She jolts back, seemingly brought out of her own thoughts. “Oh, yeah! The lights are lovely and the music is nice. It's just,” She looks down and fiddles with the keychains they both keep in their pockets, unable to finish the sentence. He just nods his head in understanding. No point in mentioning what they both already know. Hayner just stands to the side and rubs the back of his neck, not knowing what to say.  
A few minutes pass and Olette come back with a cardboard tray of steaming takeout cups. “Here you guys go! This should warm you right up!” Xion thanks her and takes her cup as Roxas does so in silence. He blows on the small opening a few times before taking a sip. Warmth fills is entire body as the taste of cocoa, cinnamon, and nutmeg coats his tongue. A moan of pleasure escapes his mouth before he can stop it. “Damn.” Olette laughs. “If I knew you would react like that i would have gotten you guys some sooner.” Deep red fills both Roxas and Xion’s necks. “We, we were just really cold!” Hayner laughs as he slaps them both on the shoulder. “Sure you were guys.” Xion hides her face behind her cup and Roxas refuses to look them in the eye.

  
Olette raises her hands up in defeat and starts walking away. “Okay, okay no more teasing. Besides, we have to get a few things from Station Heights and the Usual Spot before heading to the Sandlot.” Hayner takes his hands off his friends shoulders and slaps his forehead. “Dammit, you're right! How could we forget?” Olette turns around and walks backwards. “What do you mean ‘we’? I reminded you!” “You were the one to drag us to get hot Chocolate! If you remembered why did you waste time doing that?” Hayner shoots back playfully “Because our friends were freezing! We have plenty of time!” Olette throws back without pause. “Then why bring it up in the first place?” Watching the familiar exchange, Roxas and Xion just shake their heads.

  
The two continue the pointless argument till they come to the top of the slope and round the corner to the item shop. Once there Hayner pays for a few dozen red and green neutral candles and takes the back from the young merchant. “Thanks Wantz! Gonna make it to the feast?” The boy nods his head in excitement. “Yep! Gonna close up shop in a few minutes and then father and I are gonna head down there!” Xion turns her head in confusion as they say their goodbyes and further up the hill. “There’s gonna be a feast? Is that where we’re headed?” Olette, who had since wedged herself between the two former Nobodies, looked at her in surprise. “Yeah, the Christmas feast. We hold it every year about a week or so before the holiday. I thought we told you guys.” “Must have slipped our minds.” Roxas answers looking over at the job board. The usual assortment has been replaced with more appropriate tasks. Shoveling entryways, knocking down icicles, cleaning out fireplaces, ect.

  
“Well, we hold it in the Sandlot with rings of tables in the center.” They come to the entrance to the back alley and a man is standing at the corner ringing a bell. Hayner absentmindedly drops a few munny into the can hanging beside him. “Bless you good sir!” the man says bowing his head slightly. Hayner just waves him off. “Not like i need it more than them.” Not really knowing why their friend did so but not wanting to be rude, both Roxas and Xion drop 1000 in each. The man is taken aback and shakes both of their hands in gratitude. “Thank you so much, good children!” Unsure of what to do they just awkwardly reply, “You're welcome,” and rush off after their friends.  
When they catch up Hayner whistles in awe. “Way to go dropping that much dudes. Light knows I can’t afford to do that much.” Xion looks at him in confusion. “It's not really that much. Like you said, he seemed to need it more than us anyways.” He shakes his head once more. They tend to do that a lot whenever they get a basic thing wrong. Roxas know they don't do it out of pity but it does get grating after a while. “Nah man, he’s raising money for other people. Ya know, they poor, or homeless, or sick” Not wanting to make his friend feel bad again Roxas just nods his head and walks towards the Usual Spot.

  
Inside he finds Olette rummaging through the boxes. “Hayner! Where did you and Pence put the placemats? You guys bought them a week ago and I saw you take them in here!” He lets out an exasperated but fond sigh and walks over towards the ladder in the corner. “We put them on the box right here like we do every year.” He then grabs the box down and open it to show her. She lets out a huff and yanked the box out of his hands. “And I keep telling you guys that is a lousy place to put things.” Xion laughs a bit and agrees with her friend. “Gotta agree with Olette Hayner. That's not the best place to put anything.” Hayner dramatically throws his hands up in the air. “Fine! We’ll find a new place after the feast!” Olette leans over and whispers in Roxas’ ear. “He says that every year. Watch it still be there in a month.” Roxas shakes his head in fond exasperation. “You know, you could move it yourself.” A sly smile graced her lips as she walked out into the alley. “Now where would the fun be in that.” Xion smiles at Roxas as they follow her out with Hayner close behind.

  
A short walk later and the four finally make it to their destination. Immediately Roxas find the Sandlot barely recognizable. Three layers of dining tables circling the arena area with a small square one in the middle. Where the benches used to be, small Christmas trees barely reaching the patio windows line the outside. A large table is station below the town logo lined with wooden reindeer, red leaves and flowers, and candles. People meander about, setting up the last few decorations before townsfolk bring in food. Up on a ladder Roxas can see Pence setting up a surround sound system when he spots the group. Like his friends he is dressed in a heavy winter coat. His is wine red with thick hood in the back. A set of fuzzy green earmuffs don his head. Somehow, he still has the Dogstreet logo adorning his back.

  
“Awesome! You guys are right on time!” He waves them over and the group wanders over. “You guys can set your things down on the table where they go. Hayner Olette, why don't you put down the placemats and Xion and Roxas can place the candles! Mayor wants the colors alternating!” Their two friends hand off the said items as Roxas looks up at Pence. “Is this what you’ve been doing all day?” Turning his attention back to the wires in his hands, Pence nods. “Yep. The mayor wanted a playlist playing this year and tasked me with installing the system.” He shakes his head in mild frustration. “Hope he appreciates this. I had to get up at dawn to set this thing up in time.” Xion winces in sympathy and walks off with Roxas who says, “That sucks man. Good luck.” Pence goodnaturedly wave them off. “Ehh, I’m almost done. This is the last speaker.” Roxas waves back and gets to work.

  
They decided to split the work by table. Xion takes the inner two and he takes the outer one. As he does he contemplates why he’s even out here. The cold is still eating away at him and the town is simultaneously too quiet and too loud. He doesn’t even see the point in all of this. It’s not making him or Xion any happier. If anything its just making him more upset and the bitter taste in his mouth hasn't gone away. In fact, it's now joined by a brick that has settled in his stomach. He was so lost in his own thoughts he didn’t notice the person coming up to his left and slammed into them, they only thing keeping the candles in his hands is a lifetime of fighting. “Watch it loser!”  
Crap, he knows that voice. Weren't they supposed to be off world? Looking up, he comes to the scarred face of Siefer glaring down at him, a cart of chairs to his side. “What you looking at punk?” Closing his gaping mouth he looks back at the table and continues setting up candles. “Aren't you supposed to be out on an ‘adventure’?” Siefer lets out a puff of air. “Just got back. Me and the boy never miss the feast. And I don't recognize you. How the fuck do you know that?” Roxas just shrugs his shoulders. “New to town, but you are pretty famous and word got around.” Seifer squints his eyes and gets a better look at him. “You're one of those new punks that took over our job, aren’t you?” Again, Roxas just shrugs. As much as he wants to clobber the asshole he doesn’t want to ruin his friends night, no matter how much it’s pissing him off. Seifer just scoffs. “Well, you guys seem to be doing a decent job so just don’t get in our way, got it?” and with that he walks off, setting up the rest of the chair. Roxas looks on in shock. That might just be the nicest conversation he’s ever seen Seifer have, simulation or not. Shaking out of his stupor he get back to work, contemplating what it is about the season that is making everyone so weird.

  
A while passes and eventually people start to shuffle in, dropping off food and chatting with others as the tables get set. At first Roxas didn’t understand why they had no fires or heaters stationed but now he gets it. With these many people and this much food the air is almost stiflingly hot. He and Xion finished their tasks long ago and are now watching everyone talk and take seats. To his left he sees his friends laughing at something and the brick grows heavier and his mouth fills with acid. It all becomes too much and he slides over to the wall by the exit to the Usual Spot. Hopefully they can sneak out and go home before they notice. It’s not that he wants to leave his friends but he can’t take it much longer. He knows Xion can’t either.

  
Before they can take a step though, a hand rests on his shoulder and stop them. “Hey,” They turn around and see Pence looking at them with a sad smile. “Whatever is eating at you guys won’t go away if you just lock yourselves away in that old place.” Taken aback Roxas’ mouth hangs open for a few seconds before answering. “We, we aren’t locking ourselves away.” The smile grows a bit fonder and Pence squeezes his a bit more in comfort. “Come on man, don’t lie to me. What wrong?” Xion looks up in defense. “Nothings wrong!” Pence turns his face towards her and she shys back.

  
“It’s just,” She looks over towards Roxas and sighed in defeat. “It’s just, how can you all be so happy?” He asks with no small amount of anger. “Here you all are! Laughing and smiling and singing your stupid songs and he’s-” A sob breaks through his throat and Pence throws his arms around the both of them. “Sora is gone! How can anyone smile with him being just, gone?!” As tears stain his coat Pence takes the two of them into the back alley. “It hurts so much!” Xion wails. “It hurts so much and being out here in the cold and seeing all of you makes it that much worse!” He rubs their backs and whispers in their ears. “I know it hurts.” Roxas tries to pull away in anger. “No you-” “Yes I do!” Pence says, keeping a steady grip on them as he holds them at arm's length. “I lost my brother a few years back, around this time as well.” They just stare at him in shock, they tears stinging their cheeks in streams. “Pence I’m so sorry,” He just shrugs as the smile slips from his face. “Cancer, what can you do?” A hollow chuckle escaped his throat. Xion shakes her head in grief. “How can you do it though? How can you be so happy when everything hurts so much?” The smile graced his lips once more and now its filled with so many emotions Roxas can’t even process them all. “You know, I asked my Gran the same thing a year after he was gone. And you know what she told me?” Xion just wipes her eyes and shakes her head. “She said, ‘I know it’s hard to miss someone you love this time of year. But you know what we do, when they can’t be here for the Holiday? We celebrate them!’”

  
This time the laugh that left his mouth was full of joy and happiness. As if all the memories of his brother are lifting him up to the sky. “We celebrate them! And you know what? I think Sora would want us to celebrate till we pass out!” Xion starts to laugh with him and before long Roxas joins in. “Yeah! I bet he would have set up all the decorations himself!” Roxas wipes his eyes as tears joy join the ones of pain. “And cooked all the food with Little Chef!” “And tried to light all the candles at once only to set the table on fire!” Xion said through her own tears. “You're right!” Pence exclaims. “And he would have freaked out until Donald put the fire out!” They all fall into each other with tears in their eyes and laughter in the lungs.

  
Eventually they calm down and take a deep breath. “Ready to head back?” Pence asks, slinging his arms around them both. They wipe the last of the tears from their eyes and nod. “Yeah,” Roxas answers. “Don’t want the food to get cold.” Pence laughs once more as they make their way down the stairs. As they round the a new song plays over the stereo.

_Have yourself a merry little Chrstmas_  
_Let your heart be light_  
_From now on your troubles will be out of sight_

Olette see them and flags them down. Hayner is next to her and they are surrounded by five empty seats. “There you guys are! Where did you go? We were looking everywhere for you.”

_Have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
_Make the Yuletime gay_  
_From now on your troubles will be miles away_

Roxas just laughs as Hayner point a fork at him in accusation. “We just need a bit of space that’s all.” As he’s saying this Lea and Isa come rushing in each carrying a steaming pie. “Took you guys long enough!” Hayner yells over the table exciting laughter across the space.

_Here we are as in olden days_  
_Happy golden days of yore_

Lea plopped down in the seat between Roxas and Xion as Isa sat between her and Olette. “Sorry we’re late. Pies took forever.” Without missing a beat, Isa chimes. “You mean you slept in and started the pies 3 hours late.” Lea just pouts as laughter fills the air once again.

_Faithful friends who are dear to us_  
_Gather near to us once more_

Looking over at Roxas and Xion’s smiling faces, one of his own graces his lips. “Well, you seem to be in better spirits. I’m glad. I was worried the cold might be too much for you.” They both share a look and shake their heads.

_Through the years we all will be together_  
_If the fates allow_

Looking around at the town he loves, and the family that chose him, a laugh escaped his throat. “Nah, we hardly felt the cold.” Lea raises his eyebrow in mild confusion.

_Hang a shining star upon the highest place_

“How can I,” Roxas takes Xion’s hand into his own and rubs his thumb across the back of it. “When my heart is so warm?” Lea and Isa just wraps their arms around the two of them. And after everything they’ve gone through, that was enough.

_So have yourself a merry little Christmas_  
_Now_

**Author's Note:**

> Not gonna lie. I was weeping at the end of this. Christmas has always been a somber time in my family. Not gonna go into detail but we tend to fill the voids we have with being together and remembering the good we had with those we've lost instead of happy parties. I know not everyone celebrates like this but it felt like the tone would match in Kingdom Hearts since they all just got done with a war and multiple apocalypses.  
I hope to add parts in the other original worlds as well but we will see if I get to that.  
Go easy on me. Haven't written in years and this took way too long.


End file.
